oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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