Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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