No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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