Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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