I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
