I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
