There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
