Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Girls should come with a carfax report
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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