I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
