I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
