I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I died a long time ago.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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