my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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