im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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