I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
