I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
