i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
