Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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