i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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