dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
