I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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