I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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