I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
