So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
