dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
