I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my poor anus
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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