Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
