i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
