I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
