So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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