"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
