i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
