When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
