if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
