I wish my penis had an off switch
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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