Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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