I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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