I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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