Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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