Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize