Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
