Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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