is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
