Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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