The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
