Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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