Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
