ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
