Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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