Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
so much tequila, so little girl.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
