Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We got so high we made milksteak
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
