even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
