The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
