Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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