He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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