Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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