you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
