I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
