hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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