My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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