I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
