would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
