HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
