it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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